20092008.

too many things for me to express here.

i kept backspacing and dont know where to start.can i tell the whole world that im having heartaches?can i asked the world to just listened to me and not me listening to them?can i asked why everyone i loved has to live me?yes, i admit !im demanding,im selfish,im ego,and for all i care cause im a person without any feelings !

im hating myself to the max !im hating the fact that im born !i know i sholuldnt say that but this is what ive kept inside and its killing me !im having heartaches as if ive been hurt !fyi, im not being hurt by any bloody boys.im being hurt by the news that i dont wish to hear.

Nenek,Tina sayang nenek ! Sayang sangat ! ive go through a lot with you. you've been someone who im proud to tell people about.but please dont leave me please? im begging god please dont take her from me !i beg you ! i beg you ! i beg you ! im begging you !she's been my shoulder to cry on. and i know her loves for her grandchildrens are beyond words. and so does us, nenek. if you leave us,who are we going to turn to? wholl cooked for us when we're hungry? wholl looked after us company ?

i know people are crying and hoping for the best. i know how disappointing it is. i dont want this news to reach atuk and nenek. i dont want to see atuk with his sad,lonely,disappointing face.do you know how it hurts? it hurts a lot ! i dont want nenek's smile to fade after hearing this news and i dont want to see her worried.This incident really woke me up.Noone actually keep me strong including friends. their advice dont help me totally. ive learnt how important are my families.we're advicing and reminding each other to stay strong and not let nenek or atuk see that tears of ours.im hoping that the doctor will come back with a news that could make us smile.

And to whom it may concern,

i know ive said something which may hurt u guys.but only god knows how angry i am with you guys.you know at the point of time i really need someone and the fact that i came down there alone hoping to share my burden really disappoint me.if you guys cant make it i wont be angry.you called me a few times before i reached there and u can just say that u just woke so that i can take my freaking sweet time and do something to kill time before meeting you guys. i waited for more than 15 mins alone and when i called u can still say that ur at home. wow! that really surprised me ! u know im reaching and i could still accept if u tell me that u just went out or sthing. and do you know hw fucking irritating it was when i was all out alone waiting and this bloody boys kept me bloody company when i dont know them totally! yes, i hate you guys! cause for all my life,noone ever did this to me. and im not buying ur explaination.

13092008.

Prelimanary Examination 2008 has ended since

12 september 2008 at 1030hrs !

That is what im looking forward to except for the results.

Lets' drop the topic and ill update you on my result when my weekdays come about.

I kept hearing this particular name from my mum

and she kept praising him for his good deeds.

As usual i will ignore her when she came up

with this nonsentical ideas of matchmaking me.

And she really pissed me off when we had this conversation:

She finally stop answering me but later kept on disturbing me.

Mummy, i dont want hym okay?
(:

I admit that im closed to you.

but that doesnt give you any right to accuse me of telling people

of what you have been doing.

I swear that i wasnt the one who spread dat "tak perlu bangga" news to people.

Things are obvious therefore people know how to interpret them.

She live much2 longer than you.

So what do you expect?

Get the facts right before accusing me sucker !

050908.